Turtle and Bolt

Well, it's certainly been a long time since I've posted on this blog. Since last we spoke, I have become quite the fan of the series. I can't say that I've been spending a lot of money on toys, as my finances are usually stretched too thin to justify buying dolls and figurines.

So how can I show my passion for the series and its characters? Especially considering that the show is, at its heart, an advertising campaign for Hasbro products? Well, I've decided to team up with my roommate, named Brass Bolt, to seek out and play as many pony-related games as possible. We both love video games, and there are a lot of amazing fan works out there.

We've already recorded our first YouTube video. I'll provide a link after the post. We're always looking for new material, and I've been prowling the "Games" section of Equestria Daily every chance I get in an attempt to dig up some gems. The "Super Mario All-Stars" hack came into my possession that way, and I'm eagerly awaiting a chance to play Legends of Equestria.

If anyone has any suggestions, let me know in the comments. I'm currently in the process of trying to get Fallout: Equestria working, but I'm running Ubuntu and getting it to play nice with Wine has proven to be difficult. If anyone out there knows how to get it working, I'd appreciate it. I know I'm not the only *nix brony out there, so someone other than myself must have encountered this roadblock.

*hoof*

--

Turtle and Bolt: Horse Game - Review: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKqoIq-pU6M

Chimera

Been on a bit of a poetry kick lately. I have been writing a lot of pieces using Greek mythology, religious ideology, symbolism. Most of my inspiration comes from deep feelings of regret, remorse, solitude and self-hatred. I don't mean to go emo on you guys, but I just wanted to tell you where my ideas are rooted. I have been dealing with a lot, and it comes out in my writing.

One of them uses MLP references to describe a person who hurts those he loves most. I call it Chimera because it was written from the point of view of Discord. While he is not called a chimera on the show (I can't even remember what convoluted word they used for him), that is technically what he is. A chimera is a mythical beast made of many parts.

Below I am including the text of the poem. I didn't intend to share it when I wrote it, but then, I didn't expect it to come out as good as it did. I figure if anyone can appreciate the symbolism I used in this, my fellow MLP fans can.

I hope you like it.

Chimera

I am not a unicorn,
a beast of beauty fair.
Nor am I a zookeeper
who's always shy and scared.

I am not the one who flies
and clears away the clouds.
I am not a student
of which teachers can be proud.

I cannot maintain the trees
that bear the luscious fruit.
I cannot throw parties
that can last a day or two.

I am a chimera
For I'm made of many parts.
And see that you don't get too close
I'll always break your heart.

I cause naught but chaos
whene'er I come around
I'll throw your whole world out of whack.
I'll turn it upside down!

I'll pull right at your heartstrings.
I'm quite the puppeteer.
You'll be left alone and gray
if you dare get too near.

I am not, as you may think,
What I appear to be.
For Frankenstein he never built
A monster quite like me.

Please don't try to be a friend
To chaos and discord
For in the end the price you'll pay
you really can't afford.

For I am a chimera
There is no harmony.
My elements are pain and woe.
I crush those close to me.

Apologies for the Absence

Greetings, my friends. I would like to first and foremost apologize for being gone for so long. MLP is not something that I just expressed a brief interest in and then forgot about. I still have episodes on my computer that I watch all the time, I keep fandom music on my phone (<3 MandoPony and AcousticBrony) and I try and keep up with any updates about the Season 5 premier next year.

My absence has been due to personal reasons, you see. If you are interested in hearing about my woes, stick around. If not, I understand. I think Applejack might have some fresh candied apples if you hurry over there. All of this has a purpose, though. There's a reason I'm telling you.

Some of you may know (but most of you won't) that I was living in Louisiana until just recently. In order to move closer to my fiance in Michigan and find work to eventually save up the money to move there, I was invited by my family to come to Illinois. I stay in a small town home/apartment with my mother and sister. Things were fine at first until my mother decided she hated having me around. She has treated me with nothing but hostility since. After the internet was cut and I was reduced to coming to the library to check email and whatnot, I put my fandom communications on the back burner. When life gets bad, you have to prioritize.

And things have gotten bad. I don't make as many hours as I'd like at this point, since it is winter and I am a fairly new employee. I started avoiding spending time at home even when I'm off work just so I don't have to be around such hostility. I only go home to sleep and shower. When the temperature is below freezing, this can get pretty miserable. I obviously can't sit in the McDonald's all day, not only because they wouldn't allow it but because I don't have the money to do so. Since she has, in her dislike of me, banned me from eating at home, I have to spend what little money I have feeding myself, and even that isn't much. Most of the time, I cannot afford to buy anything resembling food, so I go hungry.

All because I was supposed to come here and save money to be with Zane. Even Zane will tell you I'm not a deadbeat. I have a very hard time charity (even he has a hard time getting me to accept money from him) and I like working for what I have. I try and live my life according to a code of ethics. I don't lie, I don't steal, I don't beg and I don't do harm to others. I try and treat everyone with as much respect as I can. I'm a pacifist and I believe in peaceful solutions, respect and kindness for my fellow man and lending a helping hand whenever possible. These are ideas promoted by MLP as well. MLP teaches us to be kind and respectful and accepting of each other, to treat each other with kindness and to love without hesitation or expectation.

I've tried to live my life by these principles, even before getting into MLP, and I've tried to be a friend to everyone. In return, I've been kicked like a mongrel dog repeatedly and had every dream of mine dashed against the rocks like a Biblical infant. All I ever asked out of this life was a chance to be with the one I love so dearly, and instead I'm starving to death and spend half of my time shivering and wishing I had nothing stopping me from jumping headfirst into traffic. We have these big eighteen wheelers that haul pigs to the processing plant, you see, and they drive by all the time. And sometimes when the hunger gets bad and I can't feel my fingers, those speeding trucks look inviting...

But I digress. I couldn't do such a thing to Zane. No, the point I'm trying to make is I've been away because as much as I like MLP, it's hard to talk about promoting ideas such as love and tolerance and kindness when all they've gotten me is a hard kick in the teeth. I thought ideas like karma were supposed to promote the idea that doing good for others without expectation will cause good to return to you? I strive for nothing but to make the world a better place (more like Equestria, if you like) and I've been spit upon.

So yeah. Obviously I haven't been in the mood to talk about cartoons. Maybe if things get better, I'll come back. Those of you who might be interested in keeping in touch with me during these trials are welcome to message me at ahopper2 at gmail dot com.

Thanks. Hope to see you again someday.

Finding the Ponies Within

I continue to progress through the series little by little. As I do, I find that I relate more and more to each of the ponies in different ways. I find a bit of myself in all of them, which I think is why the show has such appeal for me. This is not saccharine feminine bullcrap mass produced just to sell toys. These characters are so well developed that it's easy to relate to them. They deal with real issues, have real quirks found in real personalities, and are not all sunshine daisy and butter mellow (how many of you just echoed back "Turn this stupid fat rat yellow?").

I would like to start with Rarity, because I find myself liking her more with every episode. I found her a bit stiff and boring in the beginning, because she seemed to be far too concerned about making her mane look nice and putting on pretty clothes. These are not things I can relate to in the least. If I ever brush my hair, it's because I have to go somewhere important, and I am more comfortable in sweatpants than rhinestones. I was wrong about her, though. I see so much of myself in her behavior. She wants things to be just so. She's a bit OCD, just like me. She tends to obsess over things that others might not find important. She likes things orderly, clean and presentable. Yet she is also a very loyal friend and extraordinarily generous. Remember in the pilot how she cut off her own tail so that she could help the water monster fix his moustache? I would like to be more like Rarity. While we are both OCD, she is far more so. I am not nearly as tidy.

Then there's bubbly... hyperactive Pinkie Pie. What more can be said? She's Pinkie Pie. She is happy, likes to have fun, and is prone to break into song at random (to the chagrin of those around her). She is the kind of pony who doesn't take herself-- or life-- too seriously. She chooses to laugh at things and try to remain positive. It is hard to make Pinkie mad, and you rarely see her without her trademark smile. I can say I'm a bit like that too. Not nearly as, um, ADHD, but I do try to laugh through misfortune and keep a stiff upper lip. I learned a long time ago that allowing life to constantly upset you will cause you to be a bitter, miserable and unpleasant person that no one wants to be around. As much as I make jokes about Pinkie Pie needing a prescription for Ritalin, I really do like her very much. I wish more people could be like her and just smile even when things look bleak.

Applejack. What a character she is. Although she's country, she is by no means a hick or a simpleton. She is actually quite intelligent, very loyal and one of the hardest working ponies in Equestria. I remember her trying to bring in the apple harvest all on her own and causing mayhem due to her exhaustion. Her stubborn refusal to ask for help got her into trouble, and she does have a stubborn streak. I saw it again in her bickering with Rarity during Twilight Sparkle's slumber party. I feel I understand her, and one cannot help but love her, but she also reminds me of things that I try very hard not to remember. I think this is the main reason I feel a bit more distant from her than the others. My roots are country. My grandfather and my father both spent decades of their lives attempting to break into the country music business (both ultimately failing), and I was raised on country music and backbreaking work ethic. My maternal grandfather worked himself till his body gave out because he could not stop working, even on the weekends. They all taught me the value of hard work, but the costs of these lessons were hard to watch.

Rainbow Dash is next. She's bold, loud, and more than a little bit of a braggart. She talks loudly of her abilities, and has little patience for those who cannot keep pace or who struggle. In "Dragonshy," she constantly criticized and complained about Fluttershy's inability to climb the mountain. She scorned her for her lack of courage and showed contempt for her fears. She likes to show off her amazing speed and her talent for complex stunts and dreams of joining the Wonderbolts. How this plays out for her as the series progresses I will not speculate on (still in season one), but I admire her for dreaming big. She isn't content with just having her abilities, she wants to use them for something. Some people will never step out of their comfort zone and dare to do something grand. Rainbow Dash is not one of those. And of course, she is always the first to step up when there's danger or business to take care of. She is brave, and is not afraid to put herself at risk if the need arises.

I see past and present parts of myself in Rainbow Dash. I was certainly once brash and, more often than I care to admit, foolish. I would frequently get impatient with those with less ability at something and was sometimes vocally critical. These are negative traits that I cannot deny that I had to grow out of. I still find traces of them from time to time, but for the most part these are parts of my personality that I have buried. The big dreams are part of who I am and always have been. I dream of being a popular novelist. I want people to read my work and enjoy it. I would love to sit on writer's panels with people like Stephen King and JK Rowling and answer fan questions. So I can understand Rainbow Dash's insatiable desire to do great things.

In deciding who I would do last and second-to-last, I had a tough decision, because etiquette seems to dictate that in a list of characters, the main protagonist should be spoken of last, as extra emphasis should be placed on the main character. But not this time. I actually want to save Fluttershy for last, as I relate to her the best, and thus my focus moves to Twilight Sparkle. She is a voice of authority, a stellar student, a fast learner, a voice of reason, a logical thinker, a mediator between conflicts. I am actually none of these things, with the exception of a logical thinker. Actually, I relate to Twilight Sparkle most through her passion for her friends. She is one of the most dedicated friends I have ever seen. She loves fiercely and does everything in her power to protect, guide and help those she loves. I like to think this is what people see in me, but I really would not dare to toot my own horn in such a manner. I will simply say that Twilight Sparkle is the kind of friend I aspire to be. If I show my friends even half of the love, devotion and time that Twilight does, I will consider this my greatest success.

And finally Fluttershy. How I love you. At first, I overlooked you like everyone else. You hardly ever spoke! You spend time with your rabbits and your mice and other assorted fauna, socializing very little with other ponies. You feel most comfortable in your own world, doing your own thing. When other ponies intrude in your space, you grow very quiet and nervous. You never speak loudly or unkindly, until you are pushed too far. You are by far the most gentle of the ponies. You are never selfish, unkind, needy, boastful or cruel. I can understand your need for private space. When I am in my little world, I am so much like you. Quiet, with very little to say, and wanting no one else in it. I long for a garden like yours, a place where I can go to be alone with my work. Your gentle ways have made me your devoted fan, and I look forward to watching the rest of the series to see what the future holds for you.

More on Derpy

Okay, so I just learned who Derpy is and what the song in my last post was actually talking about. In context, the meaning of the entire song changes. I tend to avoid reading about characters because I am afraid of spoilers, but in this case I made an exception, and I'm glad I did. There really aren't any Derpy spoilers.

That being said, I can't believe that they changed her appearance and her voice and all that because she was supposedly offensive to the disabled. I'm... I'm sorry? Have things really become so ridiculously politically correct that no one has a sense of humor, or a sense of irony? Obviously the FiM producers, cast and fans are not out to insult disabled people. The producers and cast have gone out of their way to be accessible to fans and to give special attention to those with disabilities, and the fans have raised truckloads of money for various charitable causes.

So at what point did it cross someone's mind that Hasbro, Hub, the cast, the producers or the fans were somehow trying to offend them? Derpy's silly expression and overall clumsiness was for comic effect, nothing more. She was the FiM equivalent of Chris Farley or the Three Stooges. Because physical comedy and silly faces are funny. And her name? Well, what's in a name? Derpy was just a silly name given to her by the fans that kinda stuck. There was certainly no malice in it, no intent to hurt anyone's feelings. It's not like someone decided that they were going to take a show that otherwise has an impeccable track record of being unoffensive, noncontroversial and full of good moral lessons and use it to target a group of people and make them feel bad.

But whatever. It's over and done with now. Censorship and the PC police win again. Sorry, Derpy... err, Ditzy Doo or Muffins or whatever they're choosing to call you today. You really got the old stickaroo on this one, didn't you?

Between Fairytales and Happy Endings

You guys, this song has me in tears. I am so serious right now. I don't even know who Derpy is, because I haven't reached that point in the series, but I felt the words of this song speak to me so strongly that I couldn't even take it. This is exactly the way I feel all the time.

I used to be the one
stuck on the sidelines-
but lately things have started to change
 

I would've never thought
that being the way I am
could make everything end up this way
 

This is never what I would have expected

Theres nothing wrong but they still want me corrected
 

Why cant you just let me do what I do

I'm not hurting anyone so why are you
(why are you?)

I've always been the one no one noticed. I never got invited to parties or to go out with groups of friends. Growing up (and even now), I spent almost all of my time alone, my only friends my books or my writing. No one wanted anything to do with me, for reasons I still don't understand.

Then something changed. I met the love of my life-- we'll call him Zane for the sake of his privacy-- and he has affected me in so many ways. Suddenly I don't want to be alone in front of my computer anymore. I don't want to lay down at night by myself with nothing to do but stare up at the ceiling. I have a reason for being. I have this amazing person in my life who moves me to create beautiful things and want to be better than I ever was. He makes me want to improve myself.

But this offends people. My ultra-religious family has been against it from the beginning. They've been vocal about how their faith clashes with the way I live my life. Nevermind that I'm so much happier with Zane than I've ever been in my life. I'm committing an awful sin, they tell me, and I need to stop. There's nothing wrong, but they still want me corrected. Why can't you just let me do what I do? I'm not hurting anyone, so why are you?

Then this song goes on:

I just don't know what went wrong

They don't love me any more so, 'so long'

Now I'm left out, on my own

Wish there was somewhere for me to call home
 

Is it not enough that I'm in the background?

You wanna drop me because of how my voice sounds?

This part in particular made me cry. It feels like they don't love me anymore. So often, I look back on the family I left behind, the family I thought was so close to me. Why am I so different now that I'm happy? The one member of my family that I was closest to deleted me from Facebook and will not add me again, and at one point had me blocked from all contact. When I do call and get through, I'm told that I'm being deceived and whatnot. Why can't they just love me for me?

Since then I've been moving from place to place, trying to get closer to Zane, who lives in another state, and also trying to find a place that feels like home. Now I'm left out, on my own. Wish there was somewhere for me to call home. I never really feel like I belong anywhere, and the one place where I know I would be happy, where there is someone who loves me unconditionally, I can't get to because I can't afford it.

This is my life in a nutshell. This is why this song affected me so strongly. I feel so alone all the time. Everything I try to do goes wrong, everything I attempt seems to make the people around me angry (though I have no idea why) and the majority of my family has cast me off. I have very few people in this world. Those I thought I could count on have shown their true colors. It wasn't enough that I loved them more than I can even say, it wasn't enough that I did everything to try and make them proud. This one thing- this one thing- is too much for them to handle.

Well I apologize if I ever made you sad,
but I will not be sorry for being who I am.

 I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want to wish to be loved. I don't want to spend all my time in the silence, wanting so desperately to be able to hold the person I care about most in the world. To hear his voice and see his face. If it makes people unhappy that I've chosen to love someone that much, they can suck an egg.

I will close with the chorus, which says how I feel far better than I could ever express in even a thousand pages of blog space:

How could you

Try and change who i've always been

What did I wrong?

I never wanted any of this

I'm sorry if I ever offended any of you
but I am who am,
there's not much more that I can do
 

A wise man once said that friendship was magic
the way I see it, it's been nothing but tragic

I tried my best and it wasn't quite there
a fairy tale but no happy ending for this mare?

:(

Love you, Zane.

Brony: Not Synonymous With Homosexual

Instead of an episode recap and personal observation today, I want to talk to all of you about something I found out about recently. You probably already know about it, as it was rather big news in the brony community, but I am just hearing about it and it burns me up.

I was checking out the website for Project Harmony, and they mentioned an incident involving a boy named Michael Morones. Upon researching this boy and what happened to him, I felt absolutely sick to my stomach. Nausea turned to rage, and rage turned to sorrow and the brink of tears as I browsed the website dedicated to his recovery.

Michael was a boy who had never hurt anyone. He is described as a kind child who only wanted to have friends, play his violin and draw. He was also a very devout Christian. What could such a person have ever done to deserve being bullied? Oh and he was bullied. Relentlessly. To the point where he attempted (and nearly succeeded in) suicide. Well, apparently his unforgivable sin was being a fan of My Little Pony. There were other factors at play it seems, but this was the really big one. They mocked him, called him gay, tormented him. And poor Michael never said a word to anyone, until the day he tried to commit suicide by hanging himself with his own necktie.

Now he's in a vegetative state and will never be the same again. He is making a slow, painful recovery, but they are saying that due to the damage to his brain, he will probably be blind for the rest of his life.

And he did nothing wrong. Nothing except watch a TV show that taught the exact opposite of what these children were doing to him. MLP teaches love and acceptance and friendship and kindness. All these little Mississippi monsters could see was a target, someone they perceived as gay, and they showed him nothing but cruelty. Even at my worst bronyphobia, I never verbally assaulted, bullied or tormented anyone. I simply laughed at the idea and talked with other bronyphobes about how "stupid" I thought it was. And I would never, ever do such a thing to another human being, no matter what show they may watch or who they love or how they choose to dress.

Because Brony is not a synonym for homosexual. The B in LGBT does not stand for Brony. This is a misconception that people need to get out of their heads. A person's choice in television programming is not an indicator of their sexual preferences. Michael was actually in tears the night of his suicide attempt because he was tired of people calling him gay. There are happily married heterosexuals who watch the show. In fact, if I remember correctly, heterosexuals make up a majority of the fan base. And this idea that bronies are homosexuals is causing people to go from where I was-- simply finding the idea ludicrous-- to actively targeting people. Their minds are being twisted and warped by fear and lack of understanding. And people are suffering for it.

I think it may be time to take a stand on this matter. The fact that I see so many members of this community referring to themselves or others as "out of the closet" shows their status in society. The world seems to have found a new group to pick on. It seems that they always need one. Bronies have to refer to themselves as "in the closet" and some have to watch their shows by night to keep their secret. Why is this? Why do they have to act like they're doing something obscene or untoward?

Perhaps a Brony Pride Day of some kind should be organized? Perhaps it is time for the brony culture to step out of the shadows and say "No! We will not be treated this way! We will not be subjugated, tormented, and judged by you!" Because Michael Morones is just one example of the end result of this treatment. There are others. And Michael will not be the last. There will be more of this, until there is a concentrated effort to educate the population on what the brony subculture actually is. Until people understand that Brony is not a synonym for homosexual, until they understand that you are not a bunch of perverts or creeps or lunatics.

 Has anyone held any Brony Pride Parades yet?